I'm really opening up here, so please be kind...
I think I may be looking at all of this the wrong way. I'm not trying to lose weight and get fit like someone who needs to lose 20-30 pounds might be. I am trying to beat this disease that tells me that I am and always will be a fat woman, that I don't deserve to be thin. That probably sounds ridiculous to some of you. But it is pretty close if not spot on to the truth.
Last May when I was at the lowest weight of my adult life, many people noticed. They would stop me in the hall and tell me how great I was looking. I responded with things like, "Thanks!" or "I'm getting there!" But inside I did not like the attention. I did not deserve it. I was the same person I had been when I was 90 pounds heavier, so why did they care so much now? Looking back, I think that's what made me slide, made me gain back 30 pounds of that loss over the last year.
How do you fix that? How do you make yourself thin on the inside? How do you convince yourself that after being overweight for your entire life that you deserve to be thin? When I figure out the answers to these questions, then I will conquer this disease.
I'm really opening up here, so please be kind...
I think I may be looking at all of this the wrong way. I'm not trying to lose weight and get fit like someone who needs to lose 20-30 pounds might be. I am trying to beat this disease that tells me that I am and always will be a fat woman, that I don't deserve to be thin. That probably sounds ridiculous to some of you. But it is pretty close if not spot on to the truth.
Last May when I was at the lowest weight of my adult life, many people noticed. They would stop me in the hall and tell me how great I was looking. I responded with things like, "Thanks!" or "I'm getting there!" But inside I did not like the attention. I did not deserve it. I was the same person I had been when I was 90 pounds heavier, so why did they care so much now? Looking back, I think that's what made me slide, made me gain back 30 pounds of that loss over the last year.
How do you fix that? How do you make yourself thin on the inside? How do you convince yourself that after being overweight for your entire life that you deserve to be thin? When I figure out the answers to these questions, then I will conquer this disease.